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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598051">wanna hold him, maybe I’ll just sing about it</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukiblu/pseuds/suzukiblu'>suzukiblu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>if you understand [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, Lies, M/M, Pining, Pining Jaskier | Dandelion, Secrets, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:28:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukiblu/pseuds/suzukiblu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a thousand different ways to fill in a soulmark, of course, but Jaskier already knows the way his soulmate’s will—they’ll hear him sing, obviously, and that’ll be that. It’s the only thing he’s good at, so what else could it possibly be? He’s not going to be rescuing any fair damsels or making any brilliant discoveries or anything like that, and one’s soulmate only recognizes them when one does something <i>special</i> in front of them. </p><p>So it’s very unfair, he thinks, that Geralt doesn’t have to do a damn thing at all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>background Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer of Vengerberg - Relationship, one-sided Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>if you understand [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1503</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wanna hold him, maybe I’ll just sing about it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anoke/gifts">Anoke</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Anoke wanted some Witcher fic, so I took the excuse to go back to an abandoned fic I had lying around. I wanted to write a soulmate AU and I wanted to write something with this title, and this is what I got.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaskier has a very dull soulmark. It looks like the silhouette of a necklace, and not a particularly pretty or intricate one—there’s a chain and a round pendant and nothing else. From a young age, Jaskier is unimpressed. It’ll fill in one day, of course, and maybe it’ll look prettier then, but for right now it’s just a dull gray shadow not even worth showing off. </p><p>There’s a thousand different ways to fill in a soulmark, of course, but Jaskier already knows the way his soulmate’s will—they’ll hear him sing, obviously, and that’ll be that. It’s the only thing he’s good at, so what else could it possibly be? He’s not going to be rescuing any fair damsels or making any brilliant discoveries or anything like that, and one’s soulmate only recognizes them when one does something <i>special</i> in front of them. </p><p>So it’s very unfair, he thinks, that Geralt doesn’t have to do a damn thing at all. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Jaskier was born with his soulmark, so he knows his soulmate is older than him; the things don't show up before one's soulmate is born. So, he's destined for someone older than him with a boring necklace. As a child he keeps an eye out, but the older he gets the less he worries about it. He'll meet them one day, and they'll hear him sing, and they'll <i>know</i> him. That's all that matters. And until then, well, he'll have a little fun. No reason to show up a blushing virgin, after all. </p><p>He's been questioned on that before, why he didn't wait for his soulmate, but who knows how much older than him his soulmate is? Five years? Ten? He wouldn't expect <i>them</i> to wait, so why should he? </p><p>He shouldn't, obviously, so he doesn't. </p><p>So he's not expecting to meet his soulmate in that tavern or in the middle of one of his admittedly less impressive songs, but the moment he makes eye contact with the beautiful man in the corner . . . oh, how his mark <i>burns</i> around his throat. </p><p>He nearly drops his damn lute. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Alright. Alright, so just singing isn't enough to get recognized. That's fine! Jaskier can handle that! He must be supposed to . . . he doesn't know, exactly, but something. Maybe if he writes a good <i>enough</i> song . . . </p><p>That must be it, or so he thinks right up until he plays "Toss A Coin To Your Witcher" for Geralt and the other doesn't even <i>like</i> it. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Jaskier looks at his soulmark in the mirror that night. It’s a bit boring, still, but it shines a lovely silver. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Do witchers have soulmarks?” Jaskier asks one evening not very far into their acquaintance, unable to repress the question. Geralt stiffens. It was perhaps not his most <i>delicate</i> question, admittedly. “Oh, don’t be like that, I just wanted to know.” </p><p>“You’re not taken to be a witcher if you have a soulmark,” Geralt says gruffly. </p><p>“Ah,” Jaskier says, heart sinking as he eyes Geralt’s slightly boring necklace. He’s actually surprised Geralt even answered, but . . . </p><p>Well. That’s that, he supposes. A one-sided match for him. </p><p>He is a bard, all things considered. He shouldn’t be particularly surprised to get a muse for his soulmark and nothing else. And really, worse things have happened to him. </p><p>“This had better not be for a song,” Geralt says, eyeing him suspiciously. </p><p>“No,” Jaskier says, strumming his lute idly and looking into the campfire. “Not a song.” </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Jaskier keeps his jacket buttoned up around Geralt, and doesn’t bathe or change in front of him the way the other’s willing to do in front of him. </p><p>Geralt would pity him, he’s sure, and he doesn’t want that. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Ah,” the mage says, her eyes gleaming as she inspects his bloody shirt and the wolf medallion soulmark it’s doing a very poor job of hiding. “So you’re his soulmate. No wonder he was so eager to see you healed.” </p><p>“You know, people can just be <i>decent</i> to each other,” Jaskier says defensively, dragging his jacket back on to button up tight. “That’s a thing that happens sometimes.” </p><p>She <i>laughs</i>. </p><p>If Yennefer says anything to Geralt, later—well, he doesn’t act any differently, does he. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Geralt fucks her, actually, so . . . </p><p>So. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Jaskier writes better songs. </p><p>Geralt still doesn’t like any of them. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Technically, Geralt <i>could</i> have a soulmark. Jaskier was born long after he became a witcher, after all. But when he asked, Geralt didn’t say, and he’s seen him half-dressed and fully naked enough times by now that he feels he’d have noticed a soulmark, so . . . </p><p>So. </p><p>Jaskier strums his lute with an idle melancholy that doesn’t really suit him, he feels, and tries to think of a song to sing. Nothing in particular is coming to mind, except for the ones about Geralt, and, well . . . he’s not <i>that</i> pathetic. Yet. </p><p>He could write something, he supposes, but again, nothing in particular is coming to mind. </p><p>Not anything about anyone but Geralt, that is. </p><p>He really is that pathetic, he supposes. </p><p>“Food’s ready,” Geralt says from the campfire. Jaskier hums a noncommittal reply, strumming another few chords. Usually that goes the other way around, but he doesn’t feel much like talking at the moment. Geralt takes his own share of dinner and goes to sit down with it, and Jaskier slings his lute over his back and gets up to do the same, if a bit halfheartedly. He <i>is</i> hungry. </p><p>It’s a good dinner for what they usually get on the road, but it’s a bit wasted on him tonight. Jaskier isn’t the brooding sort, but every now and then . . . </p><p>Well, everyone broods every now and then, of course. Jaskier’s no different. </p><p>He eats in silence, pretending not to notice Geralt looking at him as he does. It’ll only be the other wondering what’s keeping his tongue in his head right now, and he doesn’t care to answer that question. He could lie, of course, and if Geralt actually <i>does</i> ask he will, but no reason to go looking for trouble. </p><p>Trouble, of course, likes to find him on its own. </p><p>“You’re quiet tonight,” Geralt says. </p><p>“Nothing to say, I’m afraid,” Jaskier lies, easy and dismissive. He takes another bite of his dinner. It <i>is</i> rather good, for campfire food. Geralt frowns at him, but he pretends not to notice that either. “I’m sure you miss my sterling conversation, but don’t worry, something will come up soon enough. Is this rosemary? I didn’t know you knew what rosemary <i>was</i>.” </p><p>“Hn,” Geralt says, looking unconvinced. Jaskier pops another bite in his mouth, debating the right thing to say to dispel his interest. </p><p>“Anyway, I’m <i>writing</i>, Geralt, how talkative do you expect me to be?” he huffs. </p><p>“Hn,” Geralt says again. He doesn’t say anything else, though, and Jaskier considers that a success. He finishes his dinner and cleans his plate, then goes back to plucking idly at his lute. He isn’t really writing, of course, but he might as well put up the impression. Who knows, maybe something will strike him. </p><p>Geralt is quiet for the rest of the night, mercifully, and Jaskier tells himself he won’t write a song about the way that feels, later. </p><p>But of course he will. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be here,” Geralt says. </p><p>“So you’ve mentioned, once or twice,” Jaskier says with a sigh. </p><p>“I mean it,” Geralt says, but doesn’t elaborate. Jaskier eyes him. </p><p>“You know, I don’t want me to be here either, <i>you</i> were the one who insisted we come this way,” he says, gesturing meaningfully along the length of the miserable and muddy rarely-used road they’ve been on all morning. </p><p>“Mm,” Geralt says unhelpfully, his eyes flicking across the surrounding trees. Jaskier rolls his eyes. He expects murdered by a monster at any moment, given Geralt’s concern, but at this point in the journey he’d welcome the excitement. Also, it might give him something to write about, which he really can’t complain about either. </p><p>“So what’ll be killing us today?” he asks with faux brightness as he hitches his lute up higher on his shoulder, which is about when they walk into the bandits’ ambush and said bandits descend on them like a stampede of grubby . . . well, bandits. </p><p>That’s just <i>annoying</i>, frankly. Nothing worth writing about there. Also, Geralt can only fight so many people at once, which leaves Jaskier with the unfortunate task of not getting taken hostage by the stragglers, which is just never fun. </p><p>A muddy road isn’t too easy to run on, either. </p><p>“Ugh,” Jaskier says after Geralt’s finally chased the bandits off, grimacing at the blood and mud all over his clothes. Well, isn’t that just <i>lovely</i>. “We can never just go out, can we.” </p><p>“There’s a river back that way,” Geralt says, jerking his head, and Jaskier barely keeps from balking at the thought. </p><p>“I’d rather the inn that hopefully lies ahead,” he says. </p><p>“Suit yourself,” Geralt says, as a man who’s never been too picky about heading into town covered in blood. Normally Jaskier would discourage the behavior, but normally he wouldn’t be worrying about keeping his shirt on. </p><p>He really doesn’t want Geralt to know. Even after all these years, he can’t stand the idea of the way the other might react. </p><p>At this point, he doesn’t think he could stand any reaction at all. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Jaskier,” Geralt says lowly one night in the middle of another foolhardy adventure or boring job, and Jaskier is so bemused by his tone that he just blinks at him in the dimness, their faces barely illuminated by the dungeon torchlight. </p><p>“That would be me, yes,” he says. “Am I dying? Did I not notice?” </p><p>Geralt snorts. Jaskier eyes him oddly, still not understanding that <i>tone</i>. </p><p>It’s a strange one, to be sure, but Geralt just presses on into the tunnels ahead and doesn’t say anything else. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Muse or no, Jaskier really needs to write a song about someone else for once. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Oh, I should’ve guessed,” Jaskier’s latest lover says, tracing the skin around his soulmark as they lay together in her bed. Jaskier usually does his best not to let people see his mark, whether by leaving his shirt on or blowing out the lamps—it’s a very unsubtle mark, after all, as his latest lover’s immediate understanding should attest, and he <i>really</i> doesn’t want word getting around—but every now and then he does slip up a bit. He’s only human, after all. “No wonder you write all those songs about him.” </p><p>“Well, he does make for a very compelling muse,” Jaskier says, trying not to sound resigned about it. “We take our inspiration where we can get it, after all.” </p><p>“It’s very romantic,” his lover says. “You’d think a witcher would be the jealous type, though.” </p><p>“I assure you, it’s not a concern,” Jaskier says. She smiles at him. </p><p>“The jealousy, or the romance?” she asks in amusement. </p><p>“Oh, I could write you a song about <i>that</i>,” Jaskier says ruefully, shaking his head. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Jaskier,” Geralt says out of nowhere, not for the first time, and Jaskier really can’t figure out why the man’s looking at him like that. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p><i>“Jaskier.”</i> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>By the time the dragon incident happens, Jaskier’s written more songs for Geralt than he could even count, and not a one of them has ever made the other look at him with any kind of recognition. He’s seen just about every inch of his skin by now, and nowhere on it is there any kind of mark. Jaskier doesn’t even think about it anymore, honestly, except for the occasional moment where he has to remember to keep his shirt on or restrain a reflexive comment. </p><p>He’s thinking about it today, though. </p><p>“You look miserable,” Yennefer says frankly. </p><p>“Why on earth are you <i>walking</i> down the mountain?” Jaskier asks her in annoyance, glowering over at her. Some of them have no choice about it, of course, but Yennefer could be long gone from here, along with all the reminders of just what Geralt said to him because of her. “Geralt could catch up.” </p><p>“He won’t,” she says. “It’s <i>Geralt</i>. When does he ever go after something he wants?” </p><p>“He went after you,” Jaskier mutters, and Yennefer snorts, her eyes narrowing. </p><p>“He made a <i>wish</i> about me, the fool,” she sneers. “That’s hardly the same thing.” </p><p>“Isn’t it?” Jaskier says. He can’t for the life of him figure out why Yennefer is bothered by the wish thing, but then again, right now he might actually <i>kill</i> something if it’d mean Geralt would want him around that badly, or at <i>all</i>, so . . . </p><p>“You’ll see him again,” Yennefer says dismissively. “He’s your soulmate, after all.” </p><p>“You don’t actually think he <i>knows</i> that, do you?” Jaskier says in exasperation. “After all this time?” Yennefer blinks at him, looking momentarily surprised. “You <i>do</i>!” </p><p>“How could he not?” she says in bemusement. </p><p>“Because I’m not <i>his</i>, Yennefer,” Jaskier snaps. “Obviously! Don’t you think you’d have seen a soulmark on him by now if I were?” </p><p>“You seem very certain that I haven’t,” Yennefer observes, and Jaskier snorts. </p><p>“If you have, it’s somewhere awfully intimate,” he says derisively. Where on Geralt <i>hasn’t</i> he looked over the years, wanting to see that mark returned in kind? </p><p>“I never really thought about it,” she muses. “I suppose I never <i>have</i> seen one on him, though. Hm.” </p><p>“I told you,” Jaskier says. Yennefer frowns to herself, like she’s mulling something over. Jaskier assumes she’s just grateful for something else to think about. His broken heart is no doubt a convenient distraction from hers, whether she’ll admit it’s broken or not. </p><p>Not that his heart is <i>broken</i>, per se, because for his heart to be broken one would have to expect him to have anything left of the damn thing at all. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Jaskier,” a familiar voice says out of nowhere, and oh, how his mark <i>burns</i>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="http://suzukiblu.tumblr.com/">Tumblr!</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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